It has taken me a long time to understand my own boundaries. 

The problem here is that if you don’t know your boundaries, then you can’t expect others to respect them. And boundaries are important to have. 

Let me guess, you are scared of upsetting people by setting boundaries? 

You don’t want to seem whiny, bitchy, or needy, etc. 

I’ve heard it, I’ve felt it. 

But I promise you, they are important. 

And not only for yourself. For those you have relationships with as well. Your family, significant others, friends. They are all affected by your boundaries or lack there of. 

Story time…

I have been planning a roadtrip with my partner (Matt) for the past week. We are going to one of my favorite places, a place I called home for years, Moab, Utah. I still have many friends there. I have reached out to a few to see if we could meet up while we’re around. 

His response was not if my boyfriend was with me. 

I made him clarify that in fact, this is what he had the problem with. Not that he was too busy or needed to prioritize other things, but simply that he wouldn’t meet up with me if my partner was with me. 

He has nothing against my partner. He had never met him before. It was simply the fact that if I was not single and alone, he didn’t value my presence. 

Now, that is not friendship. That is not respect. And that simply is not respecting boundaries. 

A few years ago, I might have just been upset and said “okay, maybe next time.” But your girl has figured some things out and I wasn’t having it. 

I had him define his issues. Get clear with what he was trying to say to me. Then I reitterated my boundaries, pointed out how I felt and the lack of respect, and consequently ended the friendship.

Because, guess what? You don’t need that type of negativity. You don’t deserve that disrespect. If you get clear with yourself and communicate, and people are not treating you the way you deserve- let them go. 

Now, if they are your friends, they will communicate with you if they see issues. But they will not disrespect you in such ways that have you questioning your boundaries. 

Remember that the people who get upset about you setting boundaries are those who were benefiting from you not having any.  

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