Some of you may have noticed, a post did not make it up last week. And why was that?
We all are going through this messy thing called life. And sometimes during the flow of it all, it becomes a struggle. We get lost. We get confused and feel alone and not sure of the next move, how we are going to get where we want to go… hell, we are not even sure of where that is anymore.

Recently I had fallen into this rut. My motivation lacked as I lost sight of what was important to me and allowed myself to become distracted with the things that in the scheme of it all, do not really matter.

Life is a work in progress.

The whole damn thing. When we begin to worry about the past, we live there and cause ourselves misery. When we focus too much on the future, we live in anxiety. It is only when we are truly in the moment, in the present, that is where peace and happiness and growth can be found. This is something I am still struggling with, but I can understand its importance. I am someone who has lived in the “should have’s” state of life. I should have tried harder to make it work in Salt Lake. I should have gone ahead with the school in Crested Butte. But the fact of the matter is, those things did not happen and there is no point for me to dwell on them as if I could go back and change it. Because I cannot. No, the only thing I can do now is to learn from that. Why should I have given Salt Lake more time? Why should I have gone ahead to the school in Crested Butte? What causes these feelings in me, and what can I learn from them? How can I use these lessons now, in the present, and move forward with them? Why did I have to learn them?

It is not about dwelling in the past, or even forgetting it, but asking the right questions and learning from it all. There is a reason for each choice we make or do not make. Even not making a choice, is making a choice.

As a friend recently told me, “If you don’t make a choice, eventually the situation will choose for you.”

So I sit here, writing this to tell you, this life thing is messy. It can hurt and it can distract you. But you have to be able to take a step back, to pull yourself out of the problem of the moment and look at the big picture. What do you really want? What really matters to you? WHO really matters to you? And the big one- what are you going to do about it. Once you have your answers, find your action.

Stop allowing yourself to be distracted by the things that do not matter. Take the time each day for yourself to appreciate your life. Maybe start small. Do you enjoy writing? Write for five minutes a day. Running? Fit a small run in each day. And build from there. Take time to do the things that make you, you. That makes you feel alive and appreciate this life.

Learn that it is okay to say no. That it is okay to stand up for yourself, and maybe at times come off a little selfish or mean. But you have to do what is right for you, not for anyone else. Once you are true to you, things can start to fall into place in a magical way. (This is a hard lesson for myself. I was born and raised a people pleaser. Being selfish was unacceptable. I have come to learn that being selfish has a bad connotation, but if you want to be happy, you have to put your happiness first sometimes. Learn when that is. Know when you need the time and space for yourself.)

As things got dark for me over the past few days, I did not want to talk to anyone, let alone my family. Yet, they pushed through and made me talk to them. It is easy to push people away when we are going through hard times, but we have to be open and able to let the people in who care about us.

Even my roomie, Tiff, helped pull me out. She helped me find an area to escape to, and right before I left she offered up her tarot deck, that maybe I would be interested in pulling a card before I left?
It was too accurate to be a fluke.

The card I pulled was of life spinning on its axis. Informing me that my life would be changing drastically and instead of being closed off to it, I needed to flow with it. It is a natural course in this life, just like the earth naturally spins on her axis. Think of the beauty that is able to happen because of this tilt and spin. The seasons! The hemispheres! So there is no need for the resistance and the confusion, rather embrace it with an open heart and mind, trusting that life is leading you on the path to what you most desire, to your most beautiful life.

I hope these words help anyone else out there who is currently struggling with finding the light in the darkness. Anyone who is questioning their path and maybe letting themselves become too distracted.

May this serve as a small reminder that we all go through these struggles and it is okay to not be okay. Do not suppress those feelings, instead search to understand them. Take the time for yourself and take action with what you learn.

There is light in the darkness. You just have to be open to it.

*Love & Light*